How shared laughter can strengthen mentoring relationships

There is little success where there is little laughter. ~Andrew Carnegie

by Jean Rhodes

It’s August, so let’s focus on a sunny topic: laughter. August is also when I fell for someone who made me laugh out loud (literally, since there was no texting back then). We were new faculty members on a campus arts center tour that had stalled out in a folie à deux between an overly informative guide and a compulsively inquisitive tour member. By then we had learned the theatre’s seat count and the year the acoustic panels were upgraded. Someone behind me raised his hand. “How much does this room weigh?” The guide paused. For a second it looked like he might try to answer. Much laughter, and 36 years of marriage, ensued.

Indeed, a growing number of studies show that, when people share a laugh and have fun together, they end up feeling closer and being more open with each other. In a new report from Harvard’s Human Flourishing Program Student Flourishing in Australian Christian Schools, 22,092 Year 7–12 students across 57 Christian schools, with 17,295 students participating in the second wave. Longitudinal analyses found that flourishing scores increased most among students who reported laughing with peers at least once a month, with a 22% increase from Wave 1 to Wave 2. Playfulness, activities that strengthen social relationships, and teachers’ use of humor in class were also associated with increased flourishing.

The same is true in mentoring. A review of 13 empirical studies spanning mentoring, coaching, counseling, and psychotherapy  concluded that humor can help establish and deepen a working alliance, especially when it is spontaneous, affiliative, and responsive to the other person (Vendl et al., 2024). Likewise, in a study of 15 year olds and the caring adults in their lives, Adar Ben-Eliyu et al. observed (Ben-Eliyahu et al., 2021) that, in addition to warmth and availability, youth feel an empathic connection when adults are playful in their interactions (i.e., humor, gentle teasing, and jokes). Playful communication served as an outlet for creative expression and the release of tension, as well as a safe context for discussion of emotionally risky topics. As part of that study, researchers developed a new questionnaire that assesses the extent to which youth felt that an adult “gets” them. The item “Laughs at your jokes or jokes around with you” loaded onto an attunement factor that was predictive of positive academic and behavioral outcomes. Focus groups as well as research on child therapy have also highlighted the importance of humor and laughter for creating a non-threatening climate that is conducive to disclosures and more serious discussions.

This is also the case in therapeutic relationships. Marc Karver and his colleagues conducted a meta-analytic review on the relation between the therapeutic alliance and treatment outcome in child and adolescent psychotherapy (Karver et al., 2018) and concluded that therapists should “seek to manifest a friendly disposition (even fun/humorous when appropriate).”Evidence from adult psychotherapy points in the same direction. An analysis of 872 sessions found that more laughter was associated with better same-session well-being, fewer symptoms, and more client speech, but laughter was not associated with the therapeutic alliance as rated by either clients or therapists. The amount of laughter alone, then, is not enough; its meaning, timing, and fit with the mentee’s experience matter (Kenigsbuch & Shapira, 2024).

Why is this the case? Humor researcher (yes, that’s a thing) Glenn Weisfeld has suggested ) that “laughter conveys appreciation and gratitude—an intention to reciprocate [laugh] for having received a stimulating idea [joke]” (p. 141). From this perspective, both laughing and making one laugh leads to gratitude. More recently, Treger and colleagues focused on what laughter conveys. As they note, we tend to like those people who like us, and humor conveys the message that the other person likes you. Likewise, we also enjoy interactions that make us laugh and like those with whom we enjoy interacting. As they note, “enjoyable interactions can lead people to form new relationships and help maintain their current relationships” (Treger et al., 2013). This fits with the work of relationship expert John Gottman has observed that in any interaction, there are countless ways, both verbal and nonverbal, that people let their needs be known. They do this by making “bids” for connection: “They are asking for attention, interest, conversation, humor, affection, warmth, assistance, support and so on.” Mentors’ attunement to humor bids can make the mentee feel validated.

Daily-diary research also suggests that humor can help maintain established relationships. Among college-student couples, humor production and humor appreciation were associated with relationship quality and satisfaction on the same day and the following day, although the study did not find evidence that humor predicted commitment. Again, the results are correlational, so they do not tell us whether humor improves relationships, whether stronger relationships invite more humor, or both (Tan et al., 2023). In fact, recent research suggests that laughter may be more a sign of connection than a cause of it. In a 2026 study of 132 friend and stranger dyads, people who already felt more similar to one another laughed more—including laughing at the same moments. Those who laughed more also reported a stronger sense that they and their partner saw things in similar ways. However, laughter did not make people feel more similar after the brief conversation. In other words, shared laughter can express a sense of being on the same page, but the study does not show that laughter alone creates closeness (Wood et al., 2026).

Finally, in an article “the laughter prescription” researchers noted that the physical act of laughing is linked to chemical changes in the body that can reduce stress and even increase pain tolerance (Dunbar et al., 2012; Louie et al., 2016). As they note, laughter can “help prevent diseases, reduce costs, and ensure a healthier population. …With no downsides, side-effects, or risks, perhaps it is time to consider laughter seriously.” A dyadic study of 173 middle-aged and older couples adds a useful physiological finding. During a support conversation about fears of aging, targets who laughed more had spouses with lower systolic blood-pressure reactivity, and greater laughter was associated with less distress for both partners. Shared laughter itself, however, was not consistently related to the outcomes. Because the participants were long-married couples discussing a specific stressor, the study suggests possible calming effects of laughter in supportive interactions, not proof that mentors should try to make mentees laugh (Monin et al., 2021).

Of course, humor in mentoring relationships involves finesse. Adults must maintain boundaries and avoid misinterpretation, sarcasm or inappropriate jokes. Adolescents are particularly sensitive to feeling that they are being laughed at, so the humor should not be at other’s expense. Research distinguishes affiliative laughter from laughter that manages dominance or social tension, and shows that listeners interpret laughter differently when the context changes (Curran et al., 2018; Wood, 2019). A 2024 experiment found that disparagement humor aimed downward reduced perceptions of the joke-teller’s trustworthiness and warmth (Betz & Didonato, 2024).

Nonetheless, I’m willing to stand by the assertion that, in the right context, have fun and laughing are evidence-based mentoring practices.

BTW:

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. ~Jack Handey, “Deep Thoughts,” Saturday Night Live

References

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Wood, A., Chadha, S., Liu, C., Yuan, Q., Davis, A., Elnakouri, A., Scholer, A. A., & Boker, S. M. (2026). Laughter Indicates Perceived Similarity Among Friends and Strangers. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 50, 59–85. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10919-026-00501-x