Happy Mentors, Happy Programs
By Jean Rhodes
Mentors are the lynchpin of successful youth and student mentoring programs, yet too many volunteers feel disillusioned when their motivations are misaligned and their expectations don’t match reality. In their new study, researchers Tereza Brumovská and Bernadine Brady (2024) found that mentors’ initial motivations varied, ranging from intrinsic—driven by personal fulfillment—to extrinsic–driven by validation or career advancement. Those who tended to see mentoring as more personally rewarding were more likely to persist through challenges, while those who were motivated by external rewards and recognition were more vulnerable to frustration when progress was slow or mentee engagement was inconsistent.
Renée Spencer’s classic study, It’s Not What I Expected, showed that many volunteers enter mentoring relationships with idealized visions of immediate and transformative impact. Some expected a deeply appreciative mentee, rapid behavioral changes, or a relationship akin to family bonds. When faced with withdrawn or hesitant mentees, or with the slow, nonlinear progress typical of youth development, these mentors often felt ineffective and undervalued. This misalignment between expectations and reality frequently led to frustration, gradual disengagement, and, in many cases, premature termination of the match. In another study, Spencer et al. (2014) found that nearly half of mentoring relationships ended prematurely–often due mentor or mentee dissatisfaction, or a gradual loss of momentum. Several mentors reported feeling emotionally exhausted. As one put it, “I just realized how very difficult it is to have any kind of intimate relationship. One-on-one relationships are hard, and with someone that is vulnerable like that… it’s such a big responsibility.” Likewise, Madia and Lutz (2014) found that mentors who experienced a significant discrepancy between their expectations and reality were more likely to report dissatisfaction and disengagement.
Here are some evidence-based recommendations to prevent disengagement and ensure match success.
Level Set: Mentees may be hesitant at first, trust-building takes time, and thatin mentoring is often measured in small but meaningful increments rather than dramatic transformations. Trainings in mentoring for mental health and resilience that are grounded in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly helpful for mentors working with youth who may be struggling with mental health.
Align Motivations: The implicit, falsely dichotomous belief that volunteers hold only altruistic motivations, and that career, academic, or other “egoistic” motivations somehow taint their service, has impeded programs’ capacity to facilitate mentors’ professional goals. Although such goals are thought to undermine volunteer retention and effectiveness, the scientific literature has not supported this supposition. As any teacher or therapist knows, deriving educational or professional benefits from ser vice does not diminish the sense of pride and joy that comes with feeling genuinely helpful to someone. To the extent that programs recognize the inherently transactional nature of volunteer mentoring, they can more directly reap the full benefits of a truly engaged volunteer workforce.
Express Gratitude and Encouragement: When mentors feel supported and appreciated, they are far more likely to persist even when the relationship does not unfold as they initially imagined. Brumovská & Brady (2024) found that externally-oriented mentors in particular need to feel appreciated but, the fact is, all mentors deserve praise and some sense that they are making a difference. Although mentees (particularly children and teens) may not be quick to offer overt praise, program managers can send texts or emails with small wins and gratitude. Platforms like MentorPRO which track weekly progress and mentees’ satisfaction ratings can offer opportunities to share data.
Explore Alternatives: Not all mentors have the time/inclination to meet weekly, particularly with youth who may be struggling with complex stressors and issues. Still, they may be able to make valuable contributions as a “flash” mentors who provides occasional, focused, and time-limited support.
Ultimately, ensuring alignment between mentor expectations and actual experience is not just beneficial—it is essential to the sustainability of mentoring programs.
