Beyond the Compliment Sandwich: A New Recipe for Solving the Mentor’s Dilemma
By Jean Rhodes
For years, educators and mentors have wrestled with what Stanford psychologist Geoffrey Cohen has termed “mentor’s dilemma” – the delicate balance between offering honest criticism and avoiding discouragement, particularly when working with students from minority backgrounds. This challenge extends beyond academia, affecting coaches, volunteer and natural mentors, parents and more.
Cohen’s work began with a puzzling observation: college professors would provide extensive comments on student essays, only to receive revised drafts with minimal improvements. This phenomenon led to a deeper exploration of the psychological dynamics at play in mentor-mentee relationships.
As David Yeager pointed out in his book “10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People,” a common approach to this dilemma has been the “compliment sandwich” – burying criticism between two layers of praise. However, research by Cohen and Yeager reveals the ineffectiveness of this method. Young people aren’t just tallying positive and negative comments. Instead, they’re grappling with a more existential question: Does this authority figure think I’m incompetent? Bland praise for trivial matters doesn’t alleviate the fear of being seen as incompetent or being an imposter. In fact, it may reinforce it, as students perceive the attempt at placation as condescending. The result? Listeners often fixate on the criticism, viewing it as a personal attack rather than constructive feedback.
Enter “wise feedback,” the innovative approach developed by Cohen and further explored by Yeager. In a landmark 2014 study, they tested this method with middle school students. The key was a simple note accompanying critical feedback: “I’m giving you these comments because I have very high standards and I know that you can reach them.”
The results were striking. Students receiving this “wise feedback” were twice as likely to revise their essays and made more than twice as many suggested corrections in a follow-up study. Crucially, while all students benefited, the impact was most pronounced among minority students, significantly narrowing achievement gaps.
In his book and recent Center for Evidence-Based Mentoring webinar Yeager expands on these findings, emphasizing the importance of what he calls the “mentor mindset.” This approach combines high standards with high support, addressing young people’s neurobiological need for status and respect, particularly during the crucial developmental period from early adolescence to young adulthood.
The efficacy of wise feedback lies in its ability to address what Cohen calls “belonging uncertainty” – students’ concerns about whether they truly belong or are valued in an academic setting. By explicitly communicating high standards alongside a belief in the student’s ability to meet them, wise feedback creates a foundation of trust that allows for genuine learning and growth.
This approach goes beyond the simplistic arithmetic of positive versus negative comments. It respects students by taking them seriously, motivating them to rise to the challenge. In doing so, it fosters greater equity and success across all mentees.
